Monday, August 11, 2008

The Button

I'm gonna find it one day. The button, that is. It is hidden mysteriously somewhere . . . on my toilet seat.

I know that's crass, but it seems to be true. Somewhere on my toilet seat is a button that triggers an alert all throughout the house. An alert that says, "Warning! Warning! Mom has once again attempted to have a few moments to herself. Everyone drop what you are doing immediately and proceed to the bathroom door. Once you are there, you are to knock incessantly, call out 'Mom?!' no less than twelve times, and ask her if she can see all of your fingers and/or toes underneath the door. If the phone rings, you are to answer it and exclaim to the person on the other end of the line that 'Mommy is using the potty.' Then giggle. You must then wait right outside the door (preferably blocking the door) until she reemerges. This is your mission, should you choose to accept it. If not, don't worry--someone else will."

I lie to you not. This happens every single time I go to the bathroom. Okay, almost every time. In fact, there are many times when I test the system. I will wait until all three of my children are quite engrossed in a video, then tip-toe quietly to the back of the house, close the bathroom door, hesitate for a moment, and then think to myself that I have finally outwitted them all . . . only to be jerked back into reality with the sound of "Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyyy" coming down the hall. Good grief. I have even tried the no-nonsense approach of making the announcement, "I am going to the bathroom now. NO ONE follow me." That didn't work either.

Those of you who are mothers know this to be true, don't you? And those of you who are now grandmothers cannot resist the urge to laugh uncontrollably as you recall us doing the same thing to you thirty years ago. Go ahead and laugh. I'm going to look for that button.

8 comments:

The Glenn Gang said...

I'm just waiting for the day when my child doesn't yell what I'm doing. I love it when we have company and he yells "mommy teetee in the potty!"

Melissa said...

When you find it, let me know where it is! That darn thing is driving me crazy. :)

Will said...

I'm guilty of that... well, was guilty of that back in the day. I should do that to Karin the next time she uses the bathroom at my house.

michael and anne said...

i love it. our master bath is also the hall bath. our next house will NOT have that horrible feature. it's grand central in there.

welcome to blogging. there are days when it seems like my blog is the only way i get to talk to people over 3 feet tall!

Melissa said...

This is a great one, Carrie. I have that button when I'm on the phone too.

Gabby said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!! I can relate so well to that and the phone too!!! No matter where I am in the house, if I am on the phone or the toilet they know!!! Like we should get on a megaphone and yell through the house...."Mommy is going to the bathroom now!!!" or "I am getting on the phone for those who like to ask a million questions or just sit and stare at me while I am talking!!!!!" Absolutely no privacy!!!!!!!!! It does get better with the older ones though! Thank you Lord!! :)

Lisa B. said...

I have a theory as to button placement and I have a solution to them standing there.... I think the button is actually triggered when the door is closed...they think you are actually going to close the door and be transported to a better place w/out them. :)

Having lived in a one bath house for the last 10 years, my husband and my son and I are way too close in that regards HOWEVER I have found that if you start quizzing them (did you do your chorse, have you brushed your teeth, do you want us to clean your room, have you read your book, etc.) when they walk in (don't allow them to get the first word) they immediately turn tail and run..this works better if you are in the shower but the concept should remain the same...this works with husbands as well. Sorry Kevin.....

Michele in MD said...

Hilarious!